


Take care of him

by borntoshine



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: DGM Secret Santa 2019, Gen, Kanda is tired, M/M, Nea does't handle fever well, everyone loves Allen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:35:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21953752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/borntoshine/pseuds/borntoshine
Summary: Allen is sick, Kanda is tired and can't sleep.Nea wakes up unintendedly and he probably talks too much.In which, Kanda doesn't kill Nea on the spot but sits to talk to him like a decent being.----DGM Secret Santa 2019 present!
Relationships: Kanda Yuu & Allen Walker, Kanda Yuu/Allen Walker
Comments: 14
Kudos: 165





	Take care of him

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ren (@Breadgorm)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Ren+%28%40Breadgorm%29).



The shadows of the night are embracing the small village at the horizon. Thin rain is falling from the sky with delicacy, and no sound can be heard aside from the quite bark of some dog in the distance, a howl flying toward the forest flapping his wings with wet distress.

Kanda is sitting under the porch of the small cottage house he and Allen have been using as a shelter for a while. The younger is unstable, feverish since days and he spends most of the time in a comatose state, sweat and fear filling his nightmares have Kanda not able to relax, keeping him on alert. It’s been two days since Kanda has slept, two days of a constant watch, ready to brace whatever would come every time Allen wakes.

Fresh air was all he was needing, Kanda realized when stepping outside. His chest would hurt, feel a weird constriction that was making it hard to breathe, and he must take some distance at least for a few minutes. But the more time goes by, the more Kanda can’t find himself to get back on his tracks. Returning inside would mean resume the agonizing staring at the body trashing in between the blankets, would mean fill his ear with the sound of his laments, of foreign words he can’t understand at times.

Honestly, Kanda has no idea what is going on. One day Allen was fine, sniffling in the cold, soft sneezes. The day after he couldn't even get out of the bed on his own. Kanda has woken to the sound of broken glass, jumped on his feet only to see the boy lying on the floor next to the bed, pieces of the cup that was resting on the nightstand were spread around his body. Kanda had to help him up on shaking legs, and his whole frame was shivering with cold, his face red and burning. Allen didn’t regain consciousness since then, and by now has been over two days.

Kanda doesn’t recall ever being sick. His auto regenerative powers never allowed him to get sick; not even headaches would last long for him. But he has seen people suffering from fever, cold, other illnesses, and he somehow knows that what he was taking care of now wasn’t just some normal fever. Allen is living something else in his head, and Kanda has no idea how to handle that. All he can do is to stay on watch, hydrate him. He even changed his clothes drenched in sweat just a few hours before. It isn’t much else he can do.

And while staring at the village at the feet of the hill in front of his sight, Kanda allows himself to feel lost for the first time in many, many years. The scenario is completely different, and the events are so, the people involved are. But this pressure on his chest is so similar to what he felt ten years before, after finally emerging from the cave of the Order’s laboratory, after Alma had slaughtered the entire science department. After Kanda had killed him, or so he had thought for almost a decade.

The air is fresh, clean, and he should be able to breathe fine and with ease, but each movement of his lungs feels compressed, exactly like that time when he first was able to look at the bright sky, lost and alone, with no guidance and only sorrow to shape in resolve.

Thinking of Alma is still painful; he knows it probably will always be. Knowing the truth after so long, having lost his sole insane purpose, only to realize the person he had loved in his present life, was the same he did love in his past. Kanda still doesn’t know how, but when he saw their souls – or maybe he just imagined them, just felt them – he recognized happiness spread inside his body like his very own blood as tears streamed down his cheeks. It was happiness for still being able to cry. A happiness that meant he was still alive. And that was all thanks to the stupid kid he has pretended to despite since their very first encounter. Allen has given him back his humanity.

Now, Kanda is afraid. He’s afraid he won’t be able to repay his debt. He’s afraid that things could get out a hand while they’re alone, with just his decaying body there to try hold on what’s left of Allen. He promised himself to clean his stained soul being Allen’s support and a backup plan for salvation. But what is it they are facing, now? What is the real purpose of this war?

Suddenly he hears the cracking of the door at his back, but he doesn’t move. There are steps, slow and heavy, approaching him not even so subtly. His body is tense and ready to fight, fingers tingle with the need to grab Mugen from his side, but there’s something that’s keeping him from doing so. There is a weird aura, it’s not Allen’s, but it’s not murderous. It’s not evil, but it’s not good either.

“Oh, you’re here.”

Kanda knows even before turning that what he will see is a pair of golden eyes and dark skin of someone that is not Allen wearing his features.

“Do you have a death wish, Noah?”

He stands and turns around to face the other person, hand closing on Mugen handle but not drawing it just yet. Nea stands in front of him with a blanket on his shoulder, looks at him with a vacant stare and doesn’t look dangerous at all. The skin isn’t as dark as he previously manifested when taking over Allen, but it’s definitely him, the Noah.

“I wasn’t trying to show up. I just woke up,” the boy said, voice rasp from the cold and lack of use, face flushed. At a closer look, Kanda notices he’s shivering, and his eyes caught sight of bare feet on the wooden floor.

Kanda said nothing, his hand tightening on Mugen while his heartbeat accelerated. What is he supposed to do? What is the right thing to do, in this situation?  
“I have no idea what happened in the last days. I always get some background information from Allen’s mind, but not this time. How long he’s been sick?”

Kanda is so surprised and confused he wants to scream. “What the hell is with the concern?”

The boy just holds the blanket closer to his body and lets out a tiny smile that has nothing mischievous. Kanda just wants to scream louder.  
“It’s still the body I’m in. Plus, I don’t have any power to use right now. Something’s off and is really frustrating. Can we get to talk inside? I’m freezing.”

Kanda can only remain speechless as the boy turns his back to him and disappear inside the house. He knows he’s staring at the door with wide eyes and mouth agape, Kanda must take few more seconds to regain composure and decide to follow him inside, but not before drawing Mugen out to be ready to attack if needed.

Nea is sitting on the bed, and he’s pouring water from a carafe to the mug Kanda had replaced there. There’s no sign of acknowledgement as Nea takes his time to drink, squeezes his eyes when he gulps the liquid down as if it hurt.

“Talk,” Kanda barks, eyes fixed on the boy’s frame to follow every single move. But then golden eyes look up at him, stares into his own, and a shiver runs down his spine. Allen has never looked at him like that, such a direct, knowing stare, confident even.

“I have nothing to say. I rather go back to Allen’s mind than staying out here not being myself. His will must really be something else if, even this sick, he manages to keep me locked. I’m amazed, honestly.”

Kanda weights the answer, the petty tone used from the other, trying to analyze its contents. Even with all his senses on alert, he still can’t perceive danger, and that puts him off, leaving him quite unbalanced. “You can’t believe I’d trust your words even for a second, can you?”

“You have no other choice but do it. Because this is either going to end with you hurting or killing me right now – and Allen with me, of course – for no reason…” Nea starts to say slowly, one arm crossing his chest so he can massage a sore shoulder in a way to show off how little threatened he seems to be from Kanda being there on defence mode. “…or with you letting me be and giving me some food to feed this weak body so I can maybe go back to sleep.”

Kanda’s irritation explodes before he can fight it with reason. Suddenly he’s on the boy, legs pressing his lower body on the bed, a hand pushing on his chest to keep him down and Mugen pressed on his throat.

Nea’s eyes are wide. He probably wasn’t expecting Kanda to attack for real, after all. But he has reacted fast enough to put his hands between them, fighting Kanda’s weight and pushing on his shoulders to keep him at enough distance not to have the blade cut him. “Are you nut?!” Nea yells, pushing harder, and his voice cracks with fatigue. Mugen presses more and his skin must sting, almost breaking under the sharp sword. “Let go, idiot! I’m telling you I’m harmless, damn it!”

There’s panic spreading in the golden eyes fixed on his face, the arms keeping Kanda from weighing down on him are already shaking with the effort, being weak from the fever. Kanda lets go. He slowly retrocedes, folds Mugen at his hip and stands in front of the body, which is Allen’s, but that right now is hosting someone he doesn’t know at all.

“One wrong move, and I’ll cut your head off,” Kanda warns, finally taking a couple of steps away to the large cabinet close to the stove. The cottage is just one big room with a large bed, a spacious sofa placed in front of a lighten fireplace – where he uses to rest –, a table and few chairs placed in front of the only window. On the other side of the room, there’s the door that leads to the bathroom and small storage. They found all they needed in there, went to purchase food in the village over a week before, and now the place was starting to run out of it.

“Point was clear, to begin with,” Nea snapped behind him. Kanda glanced at him only to see the way he’s cradling his neck, massaging it. “Never really talked to you before, but what Allen stores of you in his mind it’s enough to know what an asshole you are,” the boy talks back after a pause, his voice is more solid and clear than before, and specifically shaped to get on his nerves, now.

“Come again?” Kanda glares, throwing at him an apple he found in the cabinet. Nea grabs it by luck, his movements not so fast, and he huffs settling on the bed cross-legged. “Such a short temper,” he mutters, arranging the blankets to keep himself warm before biting the apple.

Kanda observes him while he leans on the cabinet. All about him is different from Allen, even the way he holds the fruit, the way he chews, the posture of the shoulders. He looks carefree, in a weird way, while Allen always looks confined. Should it be the other way around?

“What’s your purpose? Why are you even in the beansprout?” Kanda asks because he can’t stop himself. If he must deal with that situation, the least he could do is gather pieces of information.

“My purpose is greater good. Not that any of you cares of that. To achieve great things, sacrifice is always needed,” Nea answers calmly, looking at the apple as if deciding where to bite next.

“You’re dangerous. Murderous. The Order wants you dead—”  
“The Oder wants to capture me alive. They only want the power that comes with my knowledge,” Nea interrupts him, looking up this time. He links their eyes, and Kanda frowns. “I don’t give a fuck about the Order. I just need to know if you’re better off dead or not,” Kanda comments. He moves his head as to signal him to keep talking.

“Well… that’s peculiar. Obviously, nothing is going as planned. Not even me being in this body has been done right,” Nea chuckles darkly and brings his left hand up until both can look at it. “Innocence, in my body. This shit doesn’t really know boundaries.”

“You talk of it as if it acts on its own will.”

“Don’t you already know that, though?” Nea asks directly. He slowly moves his eyes until they’re fixed on his clothed arms as if he can sense what’s happening beneath the shirt. “Innocence is not good nor evil. It depends on how you use it, just like Dark Matter. But if you stop trusting it…”

Nea smirks, then throws the half-eaten apple back at the swordsman, who avoids it by instinct before picking it up from the floor and shot the other a threatening look.

“My stomach hurts. Maybe food wasn’t exactly what I needed,” Nea excuses himself, shoulders moving with a little spasm before he coughs. Shivers shakes his frame once again for a few seconds, then he exhales and lies down in the bed bringing the blankets up to his chin with a childish expression.

Kanda is irritated again. How can this person go from such a conversation to be this idiotic?

“I’ll ask you again, what is your purpose? You want to kill the Earl to take his place?”

This time Kanda steps forward, closer to the bed with a hand on Mugen once again. Nea follows his movements, glances at the sword and rolls his eyes with a smile. “Now, now. I think we settled this. No killing pure, naïve Allen here, remember?”

“Answer,” Kanda snaps, releasing the hold from Mugen and occupying himself to grab a chair instead of using his hands to strangle the shithead in the bed.

“I don’t have to answer. You know that.”

“Having something better to do during this trip to life?” Irritation is spreading like venom through Kanda’s body, and he can’t refrain from being witty. The Noah seems to know how to press on the right nerve bundles, and not in a pleasurable way.

“It’s just the truth, Kanda,” Nea locks eyes with him again, using his name for the first time, and being careful into shaping each letter through his lips. Kanda shivers. What’s with the attitude?  
“But I understand you want to know more. You’re not just curious, after all. All you want to know is if I will take over Allen forever, am I right?”

Kanda grinds his teeth together. “Why would I care about the beansprout when there is a war out there?”

“Don’t pretend you care about the War. You said yourself you don’t care about the Order. After what they did to you, how could you care? And you’re falling. You only care about this body, about this soul I’ve been corrupting, but you are way too stupidly proud to admit it.”

They keep staring at each other in silence. Kanda’s mind is going wild. Whatever question, he will not necessarily receive answers he wants or needs. Should he just play this game? Should he allow himself to swim in this perspective he tries to keep stored in the back of his mind? He knows perfectly well Nea is right but can’t allow himself to give in so easily. He _is_ that stupidly proud.

“C’mon Kanda. You were free, and you came back to the Order for your innocence only to save this boy. You care about him. There’s nothing wrong with it, you know?” Nea speaks again, and even if his words are truthful, the tone he uses is full of mockery.

“What if I do? What if all I want is to save the beansprout from all this shit? I’d cut his arm off it that would help but didn’t work in the past, won’t work even now.” His retort seems impulsive, but Kanda is trying to manipulate the discourse to receive at least hints. He’s not too sure it will work though.

“So, you admit you chose to be a slave of the innocence again only to save Allen?” Nea looks almost surprised by the turn of events, but pleased. Wasn’t he expecting Kanda to give in admitting those feelings, maybe?

“I chose to get my innocence back because I have nothing else to lose, Noah. I’m going to die soon anyway, so I better handle this debt I have with the beansprout before I do. Of before he does.”

Kanda blinks at his own words. That, he wasn’t planning on saying. Suddenly, he feels very tired. His shoulders ache, his head is heavy with lack of sleep. He hasn't even meditated in a long time, and this situation is getting weirder every passing second.

Nea moves in the bed, turns on his side to get more comfortable, facing Kanda directly. And he doesn’t look dangerous at all. He looks just like a boy. He looks just like Allen, but in different colors. His breath comes out shorter than before, cheeks reddening. Probably the fever is going up again because Kanda can see the same tiredness reflected in the golden orbs.

“Allen doesn’t think you owe him anything. He’s really that selfless… how annoying,” Nea says, closing his eyes for a moment as cough shakes him again. “I was just awake when he sent you away through the ark. I was awake at that moment, but his willpower was so strong I couldn’t even try to overpower him. I knew right away… this was going to be so difficult.”

“You were still awake? He was back as himself…” Kanda recalled, picturing those painful memories in his head. The guilt is coming back in strong waves tightening his throat; if he hadn’t stabbed the beansprout…

Nea looks at him again with heavy lids. “His rage was stronger. He was hurting for you, that much I felt it as well. You should give him more credit… you know. Caring for others isn’t a sign of weakness.”

“Why are you telling me those things if you’re planning to take him away?” _from me._

Nea looks deep into his eyes at that. His lips are stretched in a very tiny smile as he tries to clear his eyes from the fever rushes. “I’m not planning that… taking him away? I shall destroy him to win this body over.”

Kanda's heart is beating like crazy. He feels hot, his face must be red with embarrassment, or maybe he’s getting sick as well. He almost wishes it’s the fever. But Nea smiles at him again and shakes his head.

“I told you. I’m working on something different… a greater purpose,” he murmurs, breath coming out heavier. “I will return Allen to you if you help me,” he adds, and Kanda almost jumps on his chair.

“What--?”

“I’m no evil. I hate humans… yeah, but it’s not like I care to be a mass murder,” Nea even tried to joke, but he’s coughing again, and a lament leaves his lips, looking completely worn out. “But... I’m very tired now. I’ll talk to you again later.”

“Wait, Nea what the--? What do you mean?” Kanda shakes him by the shoulder, suddenly finding himself sitting on the bed. His body is hot, much hotter than before and he can literally see fever shining in his barely open gold eyes.

“Shit, I’ve never been sick before. This is terrible.” Nea lets out a weak chuckle, then he slowly gets his right arm from under the blankets, bringing it on his shoulder to cover Kanda’s hand with his own.

“I’m growing quite fond of this kid, Kanda,” he whispers slowly. “He’s hurting so bad. Take care of him.”

There’s nothing Kanda’s brain can produce as an answer at this point. The heart feels like its beating in his throat, the skin of his hand is burning under the hot warmth of the other’s palm. He can hear the boy’s breathing eave, already asleep with exhaustion. It takes a whole couple of minutes for his heart to calm down. All he can do is observe the delicate features of the beansprout face hiding in the pillow, skin clearing to his usual pale shade.

When he tries to move – after what feels like ages –, he doesn’t expect Allen’s fingers tightening around his wrist with a low lament. The eyes looking at him through long lashes have now the color of clouds during a summer storm. Allen is holding on him and he’s not sure what he should do.

“Kanda…?” Allen calls him quietly, cheeks so red with high fever Kanda can’t ignore the pang of tenderness that squeezes his insides.  
_Take care of him._

“Yeah,” he murmurs, and brings his other hand to pry Allen’s fingers from his wrist gently, so he can hold them with it while the other runs without thinking to his face. Kanda’s fingers trace the line of his temple, the damp hair sticking there, the skin so hot it burns when finally, he presses the palm on his forehead.

Allen makes a low sound of relief and unconsciously lifts his head to nuzzle in his hand.

Kanda’s stomach twists. He’s able to stretch his lips in a genuine smile.

“You’re gonna be fine,” Kanda says in a whisper, his fingers now cradling Allen’s exposed cheek.

“I’m gonna take care of you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas everyone! And Happy Allen's Birthday!!!  
> Ren, I hope you can appreciate this! I can't write much else beside Yullen/Arekan but I really wanted to try write of Nea for once, so I'm really crossing fingers I did a decent job!
> 
> I'm a fan of Nea liking Allen dearly.  
> Xoxo!


End file.
